Yesterday at church the talks, Sunday School, and Relief Society were all pretty much saying the same thing. They all overlapped some how. They all pretty much came down to "feasting upon the words of Christ". I decided that since we heard so much about this yesterday that I should probably start doing a much better job of reading my scriptures daily and actually studying them. I have a really hard time remembering to the read the scriptures even though I really love to do it. I am making a goal to read the scriptures every day for at least 10 minutes...hopefully more and actually study them, not just skim through it. I don't really understand why I have such a hard time with this considering the fact that I know that I feel so much better and have the desire/will power to get more done. Its so weird because when every time I read the scriptures I tell myself that I need to read them more often because I learn so much from them and yet it never happens.
Well I guess instead of talking about the scriptures i should go and put my thoughts to action.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Books of 2012
I set a goal this year to write down all of the books I read this year. This list will grow through out the year
1. The Next Door Boys ~???
2. True Believer-Nicholas Sparks
3. Safe Haven-Nicholas Sparks
1. The Next Door Boys ~???
2. True Believer-Nicholas Sparks
3. Safe Haven-Nicholas Sparks
Random Pictures
I found some of these pictures on my camera and decided to post them.
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| I made these snowmen cupcakes for a party we had at our house during Christmas. |
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| All of the cupcakes on the tower. |
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| Our mantle all decorated for Christmas |
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| This is at Natural Bridges. |
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| We went there on New Years Eve |
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| Tony made this awesome Play Dough man. |
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| My planner that I made. It's awesome and keeps me super organized. |
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| Inside of my planner. I pretty much have everything in this once binder. |
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| Charity's completed table. We worked really hard to refinish this for her. |
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| Tony put all of the cushions on the couch on top of him. |
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| What the piano looks like a lot of the time. This is the song that I my working on to play on Sunday. |
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| I got this book for Christmas. It has all the songs you would for any LDS occasion....hence the name. |
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| The inside of the book. There are illustrations like this one throughout it. I love this book so much! |
Birthday
Here is the happy blog about my birthday. I have to say that it was a pretty good birthday. The Sunday before the day Charity and Anthony came up from Turlock to celebrate Tony's and my birthdays. Charity made a cake for Tony and cupcakes for me. We had Turkey dinner (my favorite) and had a great time! I have to say that I did not get all 19 candles blown out at once but I was only two away from it! Overall it was a fun day.
On my actual birthday Charity, my mom, the Larson girls, and I went to go see the Vow. The movie was amazing! One of the best movies I've seen in a very long time! I had fun hanging out after with Charity and my mom. For dinner that night we had Chicken Dressing Casserole (my other favorite) and had a pizzookie for dessert! If you dont know what this is it's about the best dessert ever! Basically it's a big cookies bakes on a pizza pan with ice cream on top. It is delicious!
I got my birthday presents the Friday before my birthday because I went out and bought them. I got new bedding for my bed and new towels for my bathroom. I'm really excited to get going on painting my room and furniture. I can't wait for the whole thing to be done! I'll post pictures as the the room progresses...I just don't know when exactly I'm going to be able to paint it.
Overall it was a great birthday spent with Family! Thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday!
On my actual birthday Charity, my mom, the Larson girls, and I went to go see the Vow. The movie was amazing! One of the best movies I've seen in a very long time! I had fun hanging out after with Charity and my mom. For dinner that night we had Chicken Dressing Casserole (my other favorite) and had a pizzookie for dessert! If you dont know what this is it's about the best dessert ever! Basically it's a big cookies bakes on a pizza pan with ice cream on top. It is delicious!
I got my birthday presents the Friday before my birthday because I went out and bought them. I got new bedding for my bed and new towels for my bathroom. I'm really excited to get going on painting my room and furniture. I can't wait for the whole thing to be done! I'll post pictures as the the room progresses...I just don't know when exactly I'm going to be able to paint it.
Overall it was a great birthday spent with Family! Thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday!
I'm making skirts!
Lately I've been realizing that I only really where two skirts to church and one dress. Since I don't have any money to buy new skirts I decided that I would look through my mom's fabric and see what I could make from it. I found some awesome fabricss that I think are going to make super cute skirts. I made one on Saturday and it came out awesome! I love it and it only took me a little over an hour to do. I don't have any pictures right now but when I do I'll post them on here. I'm planning on making a few more skirts this week and I'll post pictures of all of them and where I got the idea from when I get them done. Maybe I'll even post a tutorial...
The tutorial for both of these skirts can be found here. I used this pattern and just made into an adult size. The first skirt I didn't bunch up the fabric as much as they do.
Hopefully sometime soon I can make this skirt. I have to find the right fabric for this one.
I also bought a pencil skirt pattern so I'm hoping that sometime soon I will figure out how to make that. I also need the fabric for this one. My goal is to make something about once a month. It doesnt have to be a skirt just something.
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| This is the skirt I made on Sunday. It took about an hour and half to make |
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| A close up of the details on the skirt. This skirt was way easy to make! |
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| I made this skirt today. I can't decide if I like or not. I'm thinking abut adding something to the bottom.... |
Hopefully sometime soon I can make this skirt. I have to find the right fabric for this one.
I also bought a pencil skirt pattern so I'm hoping that sometime soon I will figure out how to make that. I also need the fabric for this one. My goal is to make something about once a month. It doesnt have to be a skirt just something.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Talk
I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting last week. Here it is for those of you who want to read it.
Talk on Preparing for the Sacrament
Good Afternoon brothers and sisters. Today I was asked to speak on preparing for the sacrament. As I was preparing I found a great talk given by Dallin H. Oaks in the October 2008 General Conference entitled, "Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament." The majority of my talk is based on his words.
The sacrament is the most important part of the sabbath day. It is the reason that all of us are here today. The reason we come to church. The reason every member of the ward present meets in one meeting. We come every Sunday to partake of this wonderful ordinance.
Partaking of the Sacrament is a commandment from God. In 3 Nephi 18:11-12 it reads, "11. And this shall ye always do to those who repent and are baptized in my name; and ye shall do it in remembrance of my blood, which I have shed for you, that ye may witness unto the Father that ye do always remember me. And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you. 12. And I give unto you a commandment that ye shall do these things. And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye, for ye are built upon my rock.”
We are given a commandment to partake of the sacrament. As we take the sacrament we renew a covenant with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that we will always remember Him. That we will take His name upon us and walk in Christ's footsteps everyday of the week. In order to renew this covenant, we must prepare ourselves throughout the week.
The first way that we can prepare for the sacrament is our appearance. When we arrive at church we should be dressed modestly and appropriately for the occasion. Dallin H. Oaks states, “How we dress is an important indicator of our attidude and preparation for any activity in which we will engage. If we are going swimming or hiking or playing on the beach, our clothing, including our footwear, will indicate this. The same should be true of how we dress when we are to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament. It is like going to the temple. Our manner of dress indicates the degree to which we understand and honor the ordinance in which we will participate.” Our dress should reflect our attitude toward the ordinance we are going to be a part of. We would not want to show up at the temple ready to go inside in our street clothes. We should have the same attitude towards partaking of the sacrament. We should be appropriately dressed for covenant we are to renew. When we get ready for church in the morning we should be thinking of the way that we want to be presented to Heavenly Father when we renew that covenant. When we arrive at church we should be prepared for anything. Worthy priesthood holders should be properly dressed to bless and pass the sacrament even if they were not planning on it. Women should be dressed in modest, conservative Sunday dress that expresses how we feel when we come to church.
Another way to prepare for the Sacrament is to listen to the prelude music before Sacrament Meeting. Prelude music is not there for background noise. It is there to invite the spirit and set the mood for the meeting that is about to start. Although I have never played the organ I do play the piano and I can tell you how difficult it is to play for a congregation. We should appreciate the wonderful talent that the organist or pianist or whoever else is offering the prelude music. We should be respect and listen and allow that spirit to enter the room. Elder Oaks states, “We are seated well before the meeting begins, ‘During that quiet interval, prelude music is subdued. This is not a time for conversation or transmission of messages, but a period of prayerful meditation as leaders and members prepare spiritually for the sacrament.” That prelude music sets the tone for the entire meeting and we should be preparing ourselves for the sacrament. Also, the sacrament hymn is there is help us prepare for the sacrament and to once again invite that spirit. In Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 it reads, “For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me. and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.” the Lord rejoices in music. Music is a way another way to worship Him. We sing the sacrament hymn to prepare us for the sacrament. It sets our mind on the subject at hand. It reminds of the reason behind the sacrament and helps us prepare to partake of the sacrament. It helps us reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for each one of us. It sets our mind on the atonement. The sacrament hymn is that last step in preparing our minds for the sacrament.
During the sacrament we should refrain from distracting activities. During the sacrament is a time for prayerful meditation and a time for people to receive personal revelation. It’s a time to feel of the spirit and reflect on the atonement and of Christ. We should concentrate on worshiping our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We should not interfere with others who are trying to feel the spirit. Elder Oaks states, “During the sacrament service we should concentrate on worship and refrain from all other activities, especially from behavior that could interfere with the worship of others. Even a person who slips into quiet slumber does not interfere with others. Sacrament meeting is not a time for reading books or magazines....It is not a time for whispered conversations on cell phones or for texting persons at other locations. When we partake of the sacrament, we make a sacred covenant that we will always remember the Savior. How sad to see persons obviously violating that covenant in the very meeting where they are making it.” I’m going to be honest and say that I am as much at fault of this as anyone else. I often find my mind wandering to things of the world, or things going on in my life, instead of focusing my mind on the Savior. What I can tell you is that when I do focus my mind of the atonement and the Savior I feel the spirit stronger and appreciate the sacrament so much more.
I have found through the years that I and many around me take the sacrament for granted. Those that come to church every Sabbath day partake of the sacrament once a week and it has become such a routine that we don’t think about what would happen if we did not have that opportunity in our lives. I have two personal stories to share with you from my own life pertaining to this matter. The first is a story that my brothers shared with me of an experience they had.
Before my older brother left on his mission, he and my younger brother who was a deacon at the time went to take the sacrament to those that couldn’t make it to church. There was one particular elderly man who they visited every Sunday. This man was immobile and on his death bed. On one of the last Sundays they took the sacrament to this man, the man told them that he knew he was going to die soon and how much he appreciated them coming every Sunday to give him the Sacrament. This man looked forward to seeing them on Sunday and looked forward to partake of the sacrament. This man showed my brothers how appreciative they should be of being able to go to church every Sunday and the opportunity they have to be able to renew the baptism covenants.
The second story is a very personal experience I had pertaining to the sacrament. When I was a Sophomore in high school I in the stage in my life where I was trying to find if the church was true or not. For a while I was really confused about the church and what I wanted to do about. I was in a rebellious stage and all though I didn’t exactly do anything horrible like do drugs or drink or anything like that, I did do things I was not proud of. I fought a lot with my parents and siblings, skipped seminary, and stopped reading my scriptures and praying. Towards the end of this phase I sort of had this secret desire to have never been baptized when I was eight because I did not want to be held accountable for my actions. Also once I had gained a testimony and started to find my way in the church and once I repented I wished that I could’ve been baptized at that time in my lie instead of earlier because I wanted to feel my sins be washed away. I felt that I would have appreciated it a lot more if I was older. It was about this time that we had a keynote speaker at my youth conference we spoke about the atonement and the sacrament. At the end of her talk she challenged everyone to repent on Saturday of all the sins they had committed that week, even if you couldn’t remember all of them, and ask for forgivness. She also challenged us to go into Sacrament Meeting as if it was our baptism day. She made me realize that partaking of the sacrament every week is like getting baptized every week. Although we do not get put into the water we do renew those covenants and our sins are taken away. I did what she said and it was amazing the feeling I got during the sacrament. I truly appreciated that moment. I have looked at the sacrament in a much different light after that experience.
In 3 Nephi 9:20 it reads, “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion. were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.”
When we renew this covenant we are promising to take the Lord’s name upon us and always remember. In return the Lord promises that we will have His spirit to be us everyday of our lives as long as we keep our promise. The ultimate way that we can prepare for the sacrament is to repent of our sins and be prepared for those sins to be taken away.
Dallin H. Oaks closed his talked with these words, “How can we have the Spirit of the Lord to guide our choices so that we will remain “unspotted from the world” and on the safe path through mortality? We need to qualify for the cleansing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We do this by keeping His commandment to come to Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and in that wonderful weekly meeting partake of the emblem of the sacrament and make the covenants that qualify us for the precious promise that we will always have His spirit to be with us.”
In closing I’d like to add my testimony to his words that I know that if we repent and prepare for sacrament we may have his spirit where every we shall go. I know these things to be true. I know the church is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Talk on Preparing for the Sacrament
Good Afternoon brothers and sisters. Today I was asked to speak on preparing for the sacrament. As I was preparing I found a great talk given by Dallin H. Oaks in the October 2008 General Conference entitled, "Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament." The majority of my talk is based on his words.
The sacrament is the most important part of the sabbath day. It is the reason that all of us are here today. The reason we come to church. The reason every member of the ward present meets in one meeting. We come every Sunday to partake of this wonderful ordinance.
Partaking of the Sacrament is a commandment from God. In 3 Nephi 18:11-12 it reads, "11. And this shall ye always do to those who repent and are baptized in my name; and ye shall do it in remembrance of my blood, which I have shed for you, that ye may witness unto the Father that ye do always remember me. And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you. 12. And I give unto you a commandment that ye shall do these things. And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye, for ye are built upon my rock.”
We are given a commandment to partake of the sacrament. As we take the sacrament we renew a covenant with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that we will always remember Him. That we will take His name upon us and walk in Christ's footsteps everyday of the week. In order to renew this covenant, we must prepare ourselves throughout the week.
The first way that we can prepare for the sacrament is our appearance. When we arrive at church we should be dressed modestly and appropriately for the occasion. Dallin H. Oaks states, “How we dress is an important indicator of our attidude and preparation for any activity in which we will engage. If we are going swimming or hiking or playing on the beach, our clothing, including our footwear, will indicate this. The same should be true of how we dress when we are to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament. It is like going to the temple. Our manner of dress indicates the degree to which we understand and honor the ordinance in which we will participate.” Our dress should reflect our attitude toward the ordinance we are going to be a part of. We would not want to show up at the temple ready to go inside in our street clothes. We should have the same attitude towards partaking of the sacrament. We should be appropriately dressed for covenant we are to renew. When we get ready for church in the morning we should be thinking of the way that we want to be presented to Heavenly Father when we renew that covenant. When we arrive at church we should be prepared for anything. Worthy priesthood holders should be properly dressed to bless and pass the sacrament even if they were not planning on it. Women should be dressed in modest, conservative Sunday dress that expresses how we feel when we come to church.
Another way to prepare for the Sacrament is to listen to the prelude music before Sacrament Meeting. Prelude music is not there for background noise. It is there to invite the spirit and set the mood for the meeting that is about to start. Although I have never played the organ I do play the piano and I can tell you how difficult it is to play for a congregation. We should appreciate the wonderful talent that the organist or pianist or whoever else is offering the prelude music. We should be respect and listen and allow that spirit to enter the room. Elder Oaks states, “We are seated well before the meeting begins, ‘During that quiet interval, prelude music is subdued. This is not a time for conversation or transmission of messages, but a period of prayerful meditation as leaders and members prepare spiritually for the sacrament.” That prelude music sets the tone for the entire meeting and we should be preparing ourselves for the sacrament. Also, the sacrament hymn is there is help us prepare for the sacrament and to once again invite that spirit. In Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 it reads, “For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me. and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.” the Lord rejoices in music. Music is a way another way to worship Him. We sing the sacrament hymn to prepare us for the sacrament. It sets our mind on the subject at hand. It reminds of the reason behind the sacrament and helps us prepare to partake of the sacrament. It helps us reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for each one of us. It sets our mind on the atonement. The sacrament hymn is that last step in preparing our minds for the sacrament.
During the sacrament we should refrain from distracting activities. During the sacrament is a time for prayerful meditation and a time for people to receive personal revelation. It’s a time to feel of the spirit and reflect on the atonement and of Christ. We should concentrate on worshiping our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We should not interfere with others who are trying to feel the spirit. Elder Oaks states, “During the sacrament service we should concentrate on worship and refrain from all other activities, especially from behavior that could interfere with the worship of others. Even a person who slips into quiet slumber does not interfere with others. Sacrament meeting is not a time for reading books or magazines....It is not a time for whispered conversations on cell phones or for texting persons at other locations. When we partake of the sacrament, we make a sacred covenant that we will always remember the Savior. How sad to see persons obviously violating that covenant in the very meeting where they are making it.” I’m going to be honest and say that I am as much at fault of this as anyone else. I often find my mind wandering to things of the world, or things going on in my life, instead of focusing my mind on the Savior. What I can tell you is that when I do focus my mind of the atonement and the Savior I feel the spirit stronger and appreciate the sacrament so much more.
I have found through the years that I and many around me take the sacrament for granted. Those that come to church every Sabbath day partake of the sacrament once a week and it has become such a routine that we don’t think about what would happen if we did not have that opportunity in our lives. I have two personal stories to share with you from my own life pertaining to this matter. The first is a story that my brothers shared with me of an experience they had.
Before my older brother left on his mission, he and my younger brother who was a deacon at the time went to take the sacrament to those that couldn’t make it to church. There was one particular elderly man who they visited every Sunday. This man was immobile and on his death bed. On one of the last Sundays they took the sacrament to this man, the man told them that he knew he was going to die soon and how much he appreciated them coming every Sunday to give him the Sacrament. This man looked forward to seeing them on Sunday and looked forward to partake of the sacrament. This man showed my brothers how appreciative they should be of being able to go to church every Sunday and the opportunity they have to be able to renew the baptism covenants.
The second story is a very personal experience I had pertaining to the sacrament. When I was a Sophomore in high school I in the stage in my life where I was trying to find if the church was true or not. For a while I was really confused about the church and what I wanted to do about. I was in a rebellious stage and all though I didn’t exactly do anything horrible like do drugs or drink or anything like that, I did do things I was not proud of. I fought a lot with my parents and siblings, skipped seminary, and stopped reading my scriptures and praying. Towards the end of this phase I sort of had this secret desire to have never been baptized when I was eight because I did not want to be held accountable for my actions. Also once I had gained a testimony and started to find my way in the church and once I repented I wished that I could’ve been baptized at that time in my lie instead of earlier because I wanted to feel my sins be washed away. I felt that I would have appreciated it a lot more if I was older. It was about this time that we had a keynote speaker at my youth conference we spoke about the atonement and the sacrament. At the end of her talk she challenged everyone to repent on Saturday of all the sins they had committed that week, even if you couldn’t remember all of them, and ask for forgivness. She also challenged us to go into Sacrament Meeting as if it was our baptism day. She made me realize that partaking of the sacrament every week is like getting baptized every week. Although we do not get put into the water we do renew those covenants and our sins are taken away. I did what she said and it was amazing the feeling I got during the sacrament. I truly appreciated that moment. I have looked at the sacrament in a much different light after that experience.
In 3 Nephi 9:20 it reads, “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion. were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.”
When we renew this covenant we are promising to take the Lord’s name upon us and always remember. In return the Lord promises that we will have His spirit to be us everyday of our lives as long as we keep our promise. The ultimate way that we can prepare for the sacrament is to repent of our sins and be prepared for those sins to be taken away.
Dallin H. Oaks closed his talked with these words, “How can we have the Spirit of the Lord to guide our choices so that we will remain “unspotted from the world” and on the safe path through mortality? We need to qualify for the cleansing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We do this by keeping His commandment to come to Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and in that wonderful weekly meeting partake of the emblem of the sacrament and make the covenants that qualify us for the precious promise that we will always have His spirit to be with us.”
In closing I’d like to add my testimony to his words that I know that if we repent and prepare for sacrament we may have his spirit where every we shall go. I know these things to be true. I know the church is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Birthday
So I turned 19 today...I still don't really know how I feel about it. Im going to be honest ad say that i was seriously dreading this birthday. I still dont really know why but i was. On one hand I feel super old but on the other I feel super young.
The reason I feel old is because in a year I'll be 20, which is ridiculous. I'm not ready to be this old! it's not even old but it feels old! It's weird because as a kid I grew up "worshiping" people this age and now that I'm hear I don't feel ready. And not like there is a huge difference between 18 and 19 but for some odd reason it feels like there is. Can I just tell you how much I miss being in high school! I wish I would have appreciated it more. I sure do appreciate it now that it's gone. I know this may seem like it has nothing to do with my birthday but part of the reason I feel so old is because I think it is finally hitting me that I'm no longer in high school and I'm no longer a kid. To be honest this scares the living daylights out of me. I don't feel ready to go to college and make all of these huge life decisions on my own. I know that I have to though (with the Lord's help of course). I feel that this age is such a milestone. It's the in between stage of your kid self to your adult self and once again being an adult scares me. I don't know how to make decisions. I'm also a huge second guesser so I'll probably convince myself out of any good decision I make...or at least that's what I feel like. I don't know. I feel old and I'm getting closer and closer to officially not being a kid anymore.
The reason I feel young is because I have my whole in front of me and I can't wait! I'm excited to go to school and start a career. To get married and start a family. I feel like my life up to this point has been preparing me for this moment and I'm so excited to finally be at this stage in my life. I know I'm contradicting myself here but this is seriously what is in my head right now.
I feel that maybe why this specific birthday has scared me so much is because I felt like I'd be at a completely different point in my life than I am now. When I was younger and I used to fantasize about what I'd be like when I was older. I am definitely not that person now. I can't really tell you where it was I wanted to be because I don't really remember...mostly to be at school and having the time of my life. I feel dissappointed in myself because Im not that person but at the same time I know I shouldn't be dissappointed in myself because I've come so far this past year. Even though Im not where I thought I'd be I feel like I have learned so much about myself and other things this year that I am really proud of. I've found weaknesses have/ am trying to turn them into strengths. I'm just scared that I don't know what to next. I know I want to go to school...but where? And when? And what to major in? These are questions that linger in my head all the time and can never come up with the answer. And then I wonder why I can't come up with an answer. It pretty much comes down to a lot of little things that make up one big thing and that is money worthiness. Im not going to go into these matters because I hav before but this is just what's been on my mind the past couple days.
I don't want to sound mean or anything but I honestly hate the question "so what have you been up too?" or " what are your plans for the future?"
I'm going to answer these questions once and for all and hopefully I won't be asked by tons of people anymore.
On March 5 I start babysitting full time for a family in my cousins ward. They have a six year old boy and I believe a four? month old boy-I'm not 100% sure on the exact age of this boy all I know is he is the cutest baby ever!
Secondly, I have no idea what my plans are for the future. When I know I'll let you know. Right now I'm trying to save up enough money for school which will me my next step. When, where, and how that is going to happen I have no idea so we'll just have to see what happens.
I think that pretty much sums up my rant for the day. Now read my talk and the other blogs that are a little bit more positive.
"Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.
"Always continue to climb? It is possible, for you, to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it." -Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Wow that was a good quote! Exactly what I needed to hear right now!
The reason I feel old is because in a year I'll be 20, which is ridiculous. I'm not ready to be this old! it's not even old but it feels old! It's weird because as a kid I grew up "worshiping" people this age and now that I'm hear I don't feel ready. And not like there is a huge difference between 18 and 19 but for some odd reason it feels like there is. Can I just tell you how much I miss being in high school! I wish I would have appreciated it more. I sure do appreciate it now that it's gone. I know this may seem like it has nothing to do with my birthday but part of the reason I feel so old is because I think it is finally hitting me that I'm no longer in high school and I'm no longer a kid. To be honest this scares the living daylights out of me. I don't feel ready to go to college and make all of these huge life decisions on my own. I know that I have to though (with the Lord's help of course). I feel that this age is such a milestone. It's the in between stage of your kid self to your adult self and once again being an adult scares me. I don't know how to make decisions. I'm also a huge second guesser so I'll probably convince myself out of any good decision I make...or at least that's what I feel like. I don't know. I feel old and I'm getting closer and closer to officially not being a kid anymore.
The reason I feel young is because I have my whole in front of me and I can't wait! I'm excited to go to school and start a career. To get married and start a family. I feel like my life up to this point has been preparing me for this moment and I'm so excited to finally be at this stage in my life. I know I'm contradicting myself here but this is seriously what is in my head right now.
I feel that maybe why this specific birthday has scared me so much is because I felt like I'd be at a completely different point in my life than I am now. When I was younger and I used to fantasize about what I'd be like when I was older. I am definitely not that person now. I can't really tell you where it was I wanted to be because I don't really remember...mostly to be at school and having the time of my life. I feel dissappointed in myself because Im not that person but at the same time I know I shouldn't be dissappointed in myself because I've come so far this past year. Even though Im not where I thought I'd be I feel like I have learned so much about myself and other things this year that I am really proud of. I've found weaknesses have/ am trying to turn them into strengths. I'm just scared that I don't know what to next. I know I want to go to school...but where? And when? And what to major in? These are questions that linger in my head all the time and can never come up with the answer. And then I wonder why I can't come up with an answer. It pretty much comes down to a lot of little things that make up one big thing and that is money worthiness. Im not going to go into these matters because I hav before but this is just what's been on my mind the past couple days.
I don't want to sound mean or anything but I honestly hate the question "so what have you been up too?" or " what are your plans for the future?"
I'm going to answer these questions once and for all and hopefully I won't be asked by tons of people anymore.
On March 5 I start babysitting full time for a family in my cousins ward. They have a six year old boy and I believe a four? month old boy-I'm not 100% sure on the exact age of this boy all I know is he is the cutest baby ever!
Secondly, I have no idea what my plans are for the future. When I know I'll let you know. Right now I'm trying to save up enough money for school which will me my next step. When, where, and how that is going to happen I have no idea so we'll just have to see what happens.
I think that pretty much sums up my rant for the day. Now read my talk and the other blogs that are a little bit more positive.
"Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.
"Always continue to climb? It is possible, for you, to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it." -Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Wow that was a good quote! Exactly what I needed to hear right now!
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